By: Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca
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A wise man once said: " Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t." -Unknown

Everyone dreams of having the rewards of a successful entrepreneur. We all want more free time, less work, less stress, more money, more vacations, the best spouse possible, a great family, more satisfaction at work, a creative outlet, independence and more cheques in the mailbox than bills. However, everything in life has a price and usually in life, the higher the benefit, the higher the cost.

The truth is that entrepreneurship can provide all of the above benefits that we all want, but it can also become a burden that is far too costly for most to bear. Most employees have dreams and fantasies of quitting their job, firing their boss and living on a beach with lots of passive income. Many employees who have this kind of dream will join a network marketing company, start dabbling in investment real estate or start a traditional business. Some of these employees will dabble with entrepreneurship through all of the above methods and may eventually decide to make the leap and quit their job. However, very few survive.

Entrepreneurship has one of the highest failure rates out of any career path. There is no traditional school that teaches entrepreneurship correctly, and in reality, it is something that cannot be taught or learned from one source. It takes many years, many experiences, many sources of knowledge, coaches, mentors, seminars, books, tapes, mistakes, failures and relationships combined with consistency and a commitment to success at all costs to become victorious in entrepreneurship. The process takes at least 10 years, likely more, and it can never be mastered.

So why do most people fail?

In my opinion, most WANTrepreneurs (aka entrepreneurs who still have day jobs and practice business on the side) are generally crippled by one under-developed skill set.

What is more amazing is that this skill set is not even considered a skill by most educators and it is rarely taught (or poorly) taught in schools and business schools of the world.

The secret sauce that most entrepreneurs are missing is the ability to sell.

When an employee attempts to make the leap into entrepreneurship and then is forced back into his job because he cannot survive, it means that he cannot sell.

I have "quit my job" 3 times in my life. The first two times, I didn't know how to sell and foolishly quit without the adequate skills, credit or cash to survive. The third time I quit and never looked back.

What made me different on the third time? When I was ready to quit the third time, I had worked for a direct sales company and had learned how to become a top performer on the team. I knew how to hire, how to fire, how to train, sell, present, cold call, farm a database, build a database, put on events, sell from stage, fill events and watched my mentor build one of the fastest growing companies in Canada.

The experience was scary at times, it was stressful, uncomfortable and I wanted to quit, but I became successful at my vocation and earned the right to become a full time entrepreneur and never need my resumé again.

When you consider Robert Kiyosaki's cashflow quadrant (as it's displayed in the photo above), there are 4 quadrants. 2 of them actively work for money on the left, (the E for employee and S for self-employed), while the quadrants on the right (the B for large business owner and I for investor) do not work for money.

So many E's and S's dream of being on the right side of the quadrant and they wish they had residual "passive income" to fund their ultimate lifestyle, but they try to "make the leap" to the right side of the quadrant without knowing how to sell.

Selling is the difference between the left and the right. The right side of the quadrant must sell to survive and grow, the left mostly trades time for money.

Too often, people on the left try to go from the E quadrant and make the leap to the B or I without becoming an S or self employed. This, in my opinion, is one of the most dangerous moves a person can make.

The S quadrant is a great training ground for becoming an entrepreneur and it is the place that most professional salespeople live in. Robert Kiyosaki explains in his book that the most natural progression towards financial freedom is to start as an E (or employee), become a salesperson (self employed), then become a B or (Business owner) then finally end up as an I (or investor).

This progression is very natural and the skills learned in each quadrant compound on one another. For myself, I had been in the S quadrant for most of my life and my progression looks like this so far: S E S I

1) My first S - I was a self employed guitar teacher running an all cash business out of my mother's home in university

2) My first E - I was a phone sales employee taking inbound calls in the middle of the night.

I quit this job and tried to become a "B" (or business owner) and failed.

I then became a merchandiser "E" (or employee) stocking chips on shelves for one of the largest chips companies in the world.

I then quit my job and tried to become an "I" (or professional investor) (I failed and had to get a job)

3) After failing again on my own, I became an "S" again, worked for a direct sales company, got the skills I needed and built my own "I" (investor) company.

Today I am out of the rat race and run my own successful business. I work when I want to on projects that I am excited about and have the honour and privilege of growing the business of my dreams. My life is better in every way because I know how to sell. Selling is the #1 skill in my business and I continue to study it meticulously to become a superstar. As my sales skills improve, so does my income, and I love being in control of how much I earn.

Ever since I learned to sell, I have earned the right to operate in the "B" and "I" quadrants on the right side of the diagram and survival is no longer a concern for me. Instead of trying to "scrape by", I use my energy towards thriving, building a legacy of value and anything I set my sights on is possible!

Action Step: Can you survive on your sales skills alone? Have you become a student of selling? How can you benefit from improving your sales skills? Please share your comments below!

By: Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca
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By: Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca
facebook.com/stefanaarnio
https://twitter.com/stefanaarnio
http://ca.linkedin.com/in/stefanaarnio

Get Stefan Aarnio's book "Money People Deal: The Fastest Way to Real Estate Wealth" at MoneyPeopleDeal.com!

Remember: Please share this article if you found it enjoyable!

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and I asked her for her opinion on the local Asper school of business.

Her answer surprised me "needed for some, not for others."

Formal education usually has mixed reviews in the business world. Some people love it and swear by it, others think that it is an outdated dinosaur of the industrial age.

Although I did attend the University of Manitoba, and did take classes at the Asper school of business, I am a business school drop-out. My ambitions for taking classes at the school were quickly quenched when I learned that they were grooming me to become an employee and not an entrepreneur. No matter how much education is received from an institution like Asper, the teachers are employees and they train people to think like employees.

Many of the world's greatest entrepreneurs were drop outs: Steve Jobs of Apple, Bill Gates of Microsoft, Mark Zuckerburg of Facebook, Henry Ford and others. These men build their businesses on passion, experience, and practical hands-on-study in their fields. 

"Formal education will make you a living, Self education will make you a fortune." - Jim Rohn

With enough hands on study and experience, these great entrepreneurs build the most valuable asset of all - sound business acumen. The greatest difference between most WANTrepreneurs who have day jobs and real entrepreneurs who derive their livelihood directly from their businesses is:

1) Entrepreneurs live off of their business acumen
2) WANTreprenerus trade time for money

Where entrepreneurs can turn their ideas and passions into assets that create strong enough income to reach their dreams, many WANTrepreneurs are stuck trading time for money building someone else's dream.

In Robert Kiyosaki's game CashFlow, there are two circuits:

1) The Rat Race, a wheel that the players circulate around in collecting pay checks. In the Rat Race, these players have jobs and trade time for money. It doesn't matter if the player has a low paying job like a Janitor or a high paying job like a Doctor. All of the players in the Rat Race trade time for money, have a limited earning potential, are susceptible to the pitfalls of relying on a fixed income i.e.: players may become downsized and lose 100% of their income for a short period.

2) The second circuit in Cash Flow is called the Fast Track and on the Fast Track players move much faster. The Fast Track is reserved for players who have strong enough business acumen to create enough passive income to exceed his expenses. In other words, these players have become smart enough to not need their jobs  and live off of their ability to invest and create income. Players on the fast track make disproportionately more money, have larger deals, cannot be downsized, and are unaffected by many other disadvantages of the rat race.

One circuit relies on trading time for money, the other relies on business acumen.

Many new investors and WANTrepreneurs want to make the transition from the Rat Race onto the Fast Track, but the sad thing is, many of these WANTrepreneurs refuse to invest in their financial education - the most important asset of all.

Your education and business acumen is the greatest asset, far more valuable than Gold, silver, cash, stocks, real estate, companies. All of these "real" assets mean nothing if there is not a strong base of skill and education backing these symbols of wealth.

But if formal business school teaches most people to be employees, then where can one get an entrepreneur's education.

There are many places to get an entrepreneur's education:

1) Books written by real entrepreneurs
2) Seminars for teaching business put on by real entrepreneurs
3) One on one coaching from real entrepreneurs
4) Mentorship or apprenticing under a real entrepreneur

The key word with all of the above is REAL entrepreneurs. When choosing to learn about entrepreneurship or business from someone, it is counterproductive to learn from a good employee. Employees are trained to think differently from entrepreneurs and they collect pay checks instead of build companies.

ACTION STEP:

In your life, ask yourself; "are you living off of your business acumen?" Or are you trading time for money?

What do you need to get to where you want to go?

Who do you need to help you get there?

Thanks for reading,
By: Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca
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Get Stefan Aarnio's book "Money People Deal: The Fastest Way to Real Estate Wealth" at MoneyPeopleDeal.com!

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By: Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca
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Everyone loves perfection.

We demand perfection when we go out to a restaurant for dinner. We demand perfection when we go the dentist to get a tooth drilled. We demand perfection when a relative goes into the hospital for surgery.

Of course, perfection has a cost - perfection is not cheap!

For our perfect dinner, we need 5-10 people working in the restaurant dedicating their lives to our dining experience plus all of the suppliers of food, contractors who built the restaurant, interior designers who designed the restaurant and everyone else who indirectly created our experience.

When we see the dentist, he usually has a team of 5+ people working in the office plus nearly a decade of post secondary education to earn the right to work on your teeth.

The surgeon is has a similar team and education to the dentist.

Perfection is something we all want, but is it something we need?

Studies show that Top Achievers, the world's most successful entrepreneurs, actors, sales people, sports stars etc. strive for perfection but choose improvisation over perfection.

Top achievers improvise.

Consider the 80/20 rule, 80% of our results come from 20% of our actions. If we want to achieve the last 20% the "law of diminishing returns" comes into effect. After a certain point, the same actions will yield no further results and the last 20% becomes nearly impossible to reach.

Perfection is an ideal, something that we all strive for, but something that we cannot achieve without an irrational amount of effort. Therefore, top achievers will reach their point of satisfaction, improvise and will move onto the next task. 

You are better to grab the first 20 cents of every dollar than to try to grab 100 cents of every dollar because the last 80 cents are so hard to achieve that the return on time yields no measurable result.

Improvisation is a key skill for success. In his book Lynchpin, Seth Godin talks about the concept of "shipping". When creative, influential people are working on a project, they set a deadline and on that day they "ship" the product whether it is ready or not. The deadline benefits the author twofold:

1) It gets the product out the door in it's first revision, the product is imperfect, but it exists and is ready to go.
2) The product no longer has the risk of never becoming completed

Instead of perfection, we have a shipped product that is ready for use and is ready for improvement.

Microsoft (love them or hate them) has a very practical business model. They always "ship" their software - ready or not, bugs and all. The software that they ship is not always ready, but with patches and revisions, it eventually becomes functional and the company is able to earn revenue and serve it's customers. Bill Gates became the richest man in the world by "shipping" his software like this and improvising rather than seeking perfection.

If software companies would hold onto their software until it's perfect, they would all go out of business before the software is ready. The fact of the matter is that perfection should be reached for, but we cannot wait for the "perfect" product to ship because perfect does not exist.

What is much more practical is to produce a good product and slowly adjust it towards perfection.

Even companies like Blizzard Entertainment, the creators of World of Warcraft, the most profitable video game of all time are known for "taking their time" to produce their product. They will develop a title over 10 years and reach the closest they can to perfection without achieving it. After 10 years of development, they will release the imperfect software and continue to patch it to bring it closer to perfection over a 5-10 year period on the back end.

Are you addicted to perfection? Is your addiction holding you back from achieving your dreams?

For myself, I have renamed my company and brand nearly 6 times this year, I have gone through 6 runs of business cards, I have created and re-created 6+ websites to get the exact message I want. My motto is to "ship" whether or not it's perfect and adjust as necessary. The benefits of shipping when it's functional instead of perfect vastly outweigh the drawbacks. For example, I won the Canadian Real Estate Wealth Magazine's Joint Venture Partner of the Year award for 2012 because I had started blogging on an imperfect blog and gained some visibility.

My business was exactly the same with or without the visibility, I still did 12 deals, however, because I had an imperfect blog with imperfect articles distributed in an imperfect way, I was visible and nominated for the award.

Had I not "shipped" my blog until it was perfect, I would not have won the award. The deals still would have been done, but I would have lost out on $30,000 of press and exposure.

Perfection is a fickle mistress, chase her as an ideal, but do not succumb to her allure. Favour the maiden of improvisation and all will be well.

Thanks for reading,
Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca
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https://twitter.com/stefanaarnio
http://ca.linkedin.com/in/stefanaarnio

P.S: Please share this article if you found it enjoyable!

By: Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca
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In the early 1900’s, an author by the name of Napoleon Hill was commissioned by Andrew Carnegie (The steel magnate) to interview the top 500 richest people in the world and create the common formula for great riches. After many years of hard work, Napoleon Hill published his masterpiece “Think and Grow Rich”. The book contained the formula for great riches and Napoleon Hill became very wealthy himself by teaching people around the globe the secret to creating great wealth.

Throughout history, many people have searched far and wide for the formula for riches. Some people would call it the Philosopher’s stone (the stone that could turn lead to gold) or the fountain of youth.

The truth is, Napoleon Hill’s formula for great riches is all of the above. It can turn lead (or even thin air) into gold and can also preserve youth and beauty if used correctly.

Man has scoured the earth for these arcane abilities and yet, everything a person needs to know about success is in the book “Think and Grow Rich”.

Relatively recently, a Canadian entrepreneur and author by the name of Doug Vermeeren studied the formula for wealth and decided to do a modern study of Napoleon Hill’s work.

Doug interviewed the top 500 achievers in the world including CEO’s of major corporations, sports stars, actors, athletes and many types of people that were excluded from Napoleon Hill’s list (which were mostly industrialists, inventors and entreprneurs).

Throughout Doug’s study, he has been able to add extra insight to Napoleon Hill’s work and in some circles Doug Vermeeren has been given the title of “the modern day Napoleon Hill”.

I recently had the privilege of spending a day with Doug Vermeeren and I was fortunate to have him pass on some knowledge to me.


One concept that Doug shared was “the 3 pillars for achievement”.

Throughout Doug’s studies, he found that there are 3 things that top achievers all have:

THE 3 PILLARS FOR TOP ACHIEVEMENT:

1)   Affectionate Loving Parents

2)   A supportive partner

3)   A deep religious faith

The common denominator between affectionate loving parents, a supportive partner and a deep religious faith is that every one of the “pillars” supports achiever in the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual realms.



In other words, the top achiever is not succeeding alone, but has extra support in all aspects of life. This person has the power of many, but is perceived as succeeding alone.

To paraphrase T Harv Ecker, money is created in the physical realm because it is a “print out” of the mental, emotional and spiritual realms.

Wealth and riches are created inside of us in intangible realms and the results are manifested through physical success. We see the results of the wealth physically, but do not see the mental, physical, emotional changes, shifts and support systems that manifest physical wealth, money and success.

When we examine the three pillars for top achievement, we can easily see why top achievers have a higher probability of success if they possess all three pillars.

AFFECTIONATE LOVING PARENTS: Affectionate loving parents are very important for top achievers because parents form the base of a child’s self esteem. Self-esteem is crucial to becoming a top achiever because it allows a person to take a risk. I call self-esteem “emotional capital” and people with high self-esteem are able to take risks and withdraw from their “emotional bank account”. People with abusive parents or absent parents may have depleted emotional bank accounts and will have a much harder time taking risks. Unconditional love from a parent is very important when taking risks because the risk taker will know that no matter how bad they fail, their parents will always be there to support them emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

A SUPPORTIVE PARTNER: When Warren Buffett was asked to give advice to a graduating class of Ivey League students he bluntly offered one pearl of wisdom: “Marry the right person”. When a top achiever is going to “put it all on the line” and chase their dream, they require their partner/spouse to do one of two things:

a)   Actively pursue the dream with them OR

b)   Passively support their partner emotionally, physically, mentally and most importantly, spiritually

Top achievers will go through hell and back to become the best in their field. There is an unwritten law in the world that states, “When you push on the world, it pushes back” and oftentimes, people who pursue excellence in their field are met with great adversity at every turn. Whether it is jealous peers, rivals or other unsavory people, the road to the top is not easy. Emotional and spiritual support from a primary relationship is absolutely essential for success to take place. Without this key support, a person will easily be crushed when faced with enough pressure and adversity. A supportive spouse will make a top achiever twice as strong and twice as resilient when “the world pushes back”. If you are single, make sure you heed Buffett’s advice and marry the right person.

A DEEP RELIGIOUS FAITH: Faith is a key ingredient to great success and achievement. I have shifted my spiritual belief system many times in my life but have always retained one key factor called “faith”. Faith is an extremely important part of success because faith allows a person to make leaps in logic.

For example, if we want to be the best salesperson in the country, but have only made a handful of sales, logic would tell us that our outcome of becoming the best to be very unlikely. If we listen to logic, we will always give up without trying.

However, if we feel it in our heart, guts, mind, body, and soul that we believe that we will become the best salesperson in the country, then faith will allow us to leap over the logical argument and pursue our vision with burning determination.

Faith is one of the most powerful techniques that top achievers use because it can help us to achieve things that are unbelievable, improbable and super-human. Faith allows us to harness the greater invisible spiritual forces around us that some would call “the power of intention”, “infinite intelligence”, “the universe” or “god” and use these forces to achieve our wildest dreams against all odds.

WARNING: Although faith can be extremely powerful in the positive sense, faith itself is a double-edged sword. Faith allows the user to leap in logic, which can be used in a positive way to achieve greater goals with no prior experience. However, faith can also leap logic in the wrong direction and create a closed off mind that can completely cripple a thinking mind. Use faith wisely and consider the cause and effect of such a wildly powerful tool. As the label often reads on potent substances: read the manual, consult a professional and use with extreme caution.

Although we often see success in it’s physical manifestation, true success is first created in the non-physical realms of the spiritual, mental and emotional. Only once “inner” success has been found can “outer” physical success be manifested through wealth and riches.

Having a strong support system in the intangible realms through loving parents, a supportive spouse and a strong religious faith are the foundation of the structure that is required to reach the stars and become a top achiever.

Take a moment to take an inventory of your life and your support system. Ask yourself “Which parts of this system do I have today?” and “which parts are lacking?” find ways to strengthen your deficiencies and create stronger relationships.

In the end, no one succeeds alone and great relationships can make the difference between wild success and crushing defeat.

Like grass, relationships require watering and maintenance. Take care of your relationships, water them, fertilize them, manicure them and watch them grow. Consistently be mindful of your support network, treat your support network better than gold and your results will be startling.

Thanks for reading,

Stefan Aarnio

Freedomway.ca

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By Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca

This weekend I had the pleasure of flying to Edmonton with one of my partners to hear Robert Kiyosaki, author of Rich Dad Poor Dad speak. Robert is around 65 years old now and has had some very hard experiences in the past few years.

1. He has severed ties with a founding partners of the Rich Dad company. These people were stealing from him and betrayed him.
   
2. He was recently in the media for going "bankrupt" and was sued for breach of an agreement with Learning Annex.
3. CBC Marketplace did a fairly slanted review of his education company in the last few years and really mis-represented his brand in canada.

Life is not easy when you are on top... Everybody wants a piece of you.

Even still, Robert is tough as nails and still able to evolve, grow and innovate his business.

As an audience, we were treated to an entire morning and most of the afternoon with Robert sharing some of his most recent thoughts. Many of the things Robert taught were contextual and very high level concepts that have brought his life into a new level of focus.

Robert's talk today was mostly self development and had very little to do with money at all. He talked mostly about character, context and personal growth (which is in my opinion more important than the nuts and bolts of money).

One book that has recently changed Robert's life is called "Turning Pro" by Steven Pressfield.

Robert has a communication style where he is able to take a hopelessly complicated subject and make it simple.

For example, Robert can explain financial derivatives (a topic that no one REALLY understands) by using the analogy of oranges: Oranges are the underlying asset, orange juice is the derivative, a box of oranges is a package of derivatives that were sold as an "investment". If the oranges in the box are bad, then the juice and the box of oranges are bad. This is how the American real estate bubble was built and collapsed after people found out "the oranges were bad". This analogy makes derivatives so simple a 3 year old could understand it.

People understand oranges, orange juice and boxes, but they do not understand complicated financial concepts. This is why entire countries can get robbed by a few smart white collar criminals and no one goes to jail. It's also whywhy Robert is the king of his field.

Today Robert shared with us a concept from the book "Turning Pro"

In business, or in life, there are 3 types of people:

Professionals, Amateurs and Traitors.

1. Professionals are people who solve problems. These are the people you can call on, hire to solve a problem and it is fixed without any hassles and is done on time and on budget. These people you will want to call again and keep close to you. These people are worth their weight in gold, cherish them.
2. Amateurs are people who create problems. Amateurs are people who are in a field, but cannot fix problems with 100% satisfaction. They often fix a problem but do it incorrectly and create another problem in the process. These people are not professionals because they do not practice the basics and have little discipline. They charge the fees of a professional, they think they are a professional but are NOT professional by any means.
3. Traitors are people who steal life. Traitors can disguise themselves as professionals or amateurs and steal money, time and life from other people. They are often not conscious of their thievery and often mean well. However, either by incompetence, greed or another character flaw, they end up stealing the lives of other people. The only way traitors can get what they want is by stealing from others.
   

Robert shared a story with the group today about a group of AMATEURS he hired to maintain his lawn. Robert paid the AMATEURS a cash deposit and in few weeks his lawn looked worse. He then asked the AMATEURS why the lawn was worse and they said "pay us more money and it will look better"... A few weeks later, the lawn looked EVEN WORSE. Robert said again "why is the lawn worse?", the AMATEURS replied "pay us more money" once again. The cycle went on until the lawn looked terrible and Robert fired the AMATEURS. At the end Robert was frustrated, wasted money, time and had a lawn that was nearly destroyed.

After Robert's lawn was nearly ruined, he hired a PROFESSIONAL and asked him "what will it take to fix this lawn?" The PROFESSIONAL said "$5,000 and five months". Sure enough, in five months, the lawn looked absolutely beautiful. No hassles, no mess, on time, on budget and Robert was extremely happy.

"Your life sucks when you are hanging out with amateurs and traitors, you give them money and you don't get results." Said Kiyosaki.

3 quick questions you can ask a potential business partner to find out if he is an Amateur, Professional or Traitor:

1. What is your goal in your business or working with me?
2. What are you will to do to achieve this goal?
3. If the answer to #2 is "nothing" then this person is not a professional and likely not the best asset to your team.

"Some of the biggest traitors (in society) are school teachers. They don’t have the guts to resign." said Robert. School teachers can steal and ruin more lives through mis-educaiton and mis-information than any other person in society... worse off, they always get paid whether they do a good job or bad.

Professionals practice the rudiments of their art form every day and strive to be better each and every day. Their goal is to become the best in their field and are willing to pay the price required for success. In the words of Nido Qubein success is "Painful", which means you have to PAY-IN-FULL for it. Nothing in this life is free. 

Amateurs are happy with just doing enough, but do not have the drive to be the best. They are happy operating at a mediocre level, posing as professionals and charge people even when they don't get results.

Traitors are people who have to steal to get what they want in life. They may look like amateurs or professionals and have good intentions, but when it comes down to their actions, they become thieves and steal time, money and resources.

One exercise that Robert had us do was to write down 25 people that we spend time with in our personal and professional lives.

Write the word "professional", "amateur", or "traitor" next to each name and find the patterns and associations in the names.

I did this for myself and noticed that I have been running my career as a "Pro", my private life as an "amateur" and have a graveyard of "traitors" that I try not to think about.

More interesting is that all of my "pro's" are associated and work together as a team with me in their respective fields. The "amateurs" are all associated and transact together. They stick together, are tightly bonded and through their daily choices, are committed to mediocrity without even knowing it. I noticed the amateurs in my life referred more amateurs to me who posed as professionals (this was very alarming). The "traitors" were all associated and approached me as a group as well. They were a tight knit group that was like a pack of wolves. Very scary to see a group of traitors aligned in business and all working together, you can get killed if you find yourself working with a pack of traitors. It cost me dearly to deal with these people in the past.

It was extremely revealing to see how my social circles were constructed when measured by this system.

Please take a moment to do this for yourself, you may find out something new about who you are transacting with. You will even find out how you are running the different aspects of your life.

P.S. Don't be afraid to load up the "traitor" category, this a very important category and I overlooked it because I generally do not focus on people who have "screwed" me. This category is in some ways more important than the other two.

Thanks for reading,
Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca

P.P.S. Please share this article if you found it helpful!
  

By Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca

In the words of the famous poet John Donne:

"No man is an island."

Whether you are a new born baby or the President of the United States, we all rely on relationships and our networks for our basic survival and our ability to thrive.

For those of us who are pursuing entrepreneurship, business or real estate investing; our relationships are our one and only asset.

We all hear the guru's say: "your network equals your net worth", but how do we build, grow and maintain a rich network of people?

The most successful people in society are the ones who can establish, build and maintain a large number of significant, intimate, relationships.

But how do we connect on a significant level?

Most people are fairly adept at establishing relationships with people who are similar to themselves. They can find similar interests and form "intimacy" and bonds with people who are THE SAME as them over time.

However, most people do not understand the rudiments of establishing a relationship. Further, most people do not know how to master intimacy and bring people closer to them quicker.

Mathew Kelly is an author and relationship expert who wrote one of the books that influenced entitled: "The Seven Levels of Intimacy".

I have studied Mathew's work for years and have applied it in my networking, personal life, sales, negotiations and important meetings. It helps me understand people and truly connect with them so that I can find what they need and actually help them.

Mastering the 7 levels of intimacy can make or break you when meeting someone COLD and you know nothing about them. Many of us are talented at working with WARM meetings, but COLD meetings have higher requirements for establishing connection.

I am naturally a "people person" and can connect very easily with people. However, it's not enough to know HOW to connect... we must understand WHY we connect and HOW connection is established.

The 7 Levels of Intimacy are in sequential order:

1. Cliché's
2. Facts
3. Opinions
4. Hopes and Dreams
5. Feelings
6. Weaknesses and Fears
7. Needs

The seven levels of intimacy work in a sequence. You cannot jump to the next level of intimacy without succeeding on the previous level.

For example, conversations flow through the levels of intimacy in sequence from level 1 to level 7 and they do not deviate from this rule - EVER. It's very hard to jump to the "next level" without satisfying the previous level. Furthermore, if you create a disagreement and blockage at a level, you will not advance into the higher levels until you remove the blockage. These levels need to flow and creating conflict at one level will stop the sequence of connecting.

For illustration purposes, I will artificially construct a conversation between two hypothetical people that could accelerate from level 1-7 in less than 3 minutes:

1. LEVEL 1: Cliché's - ME: "hey, how are you?"... YOU: "I'm good!"
2. LEVEL 2: Facts - ME: "Did you get caught in the rain today?". YOU: "yes I did, I can't believe the amount of rain outside!!"
3. LEVEL 3: Opinions - ME: "What do you think about the Winnipeg Jets coming back to town?" YOU: "I think it's great for the city, it really helps put us on the map."
4. LEVEL 4: Hopes and Dreams ME: "It sure does put us on the map! Why were you running around in the rain today? What would you rather be doing?" YOU: "Ugh, I was running around in the rain because I'm making deliveries for my office, I'd rather be travelling the world!"
5. LEVEL 5: Feelings ME: "How would you feel if you didn't have to run around in the rain any more and could travel the world in the way you want?" ... YOU "I would absolutely love that. Nothing excites me more than travelling".
6. LEVEL 6: Fears/Weaknesses - ME "What is stopping you from pursuing your dream? What's holding you back?" ... YOU "I don't want to burden my family with my selfish dream, I need to support them or they won't survive without me"
7. LEVEL 7: Needs - ME "Hmmm... What would your family need to survive so that you can pursue your dream and everyone remains happy?" YOU "well... etc."

Whenever I am in conversation with someone, whether it is brief 5 minute meeting or a long 2 hour talk, I like to know WHERE I am in the 7 levels of intimacy so that I can accelerate and move to the next level if I feel like I need to.

Everyone has needs, and if you can find another person's needs, you can truly help them and create life lasting bonds and relationships. 

NOTE: If you are selling or negotiating, you cannot "close" until you are on level 7.

The majority of the population are pre-programmed to be socially guarded and will conceal weaknesses and needs until you have successfully moved through levels 1-5.

TIP: Once you have hit level 5 (feelings) you have reached an emotional level and connection starts to begin. 

Many newbie networkers, salespeople or negotiators will ask right of the bat "what are your needs, what do you need?". I especially see this in the network marketing community when I get pitched by new network marketers.

TIP: If you are going to meet someone for lunch, talk for 58 minutes to build a relationship and 2 minutes of transactional business at the very end. Get them up to level 7 and close in the last 2 minutes. So many people try to talk business far too early and not use their time to establish a proper connection or analysis of what the other person truly needs. Approach the other person with a "how can I help you?" attitude.

Trying to connect on level 7 without building rapport, connection or intimacy through levels 1-6 is nearly impossible. You will get concealment of facts and lies about levels 6 and 7 until you have established a proper base connection.

At best, your prospect will feed you a lie to deflect your inquiry about their higher level needs and will likely say: "I'm fine, I really don't need anything". 

How often do we hear that on a daily basis from the people around us?

EVERYONE NEEDS SOMETHING, WE ARE ALL LOOKING FOR THINGS. WE ALL NEED THINGS ALL THE TIME. THE QUESTION IS, WHAT DOES OUR COMPANION NEED?

Connection happens when you are able to navigate the conversation through levels 1-7 in the proper sequence, you may find out that (for example) "Their father just died and they're feeling vulnerable. They are the executor of his house and don't know who to talk to about real estate. They are looking for an expert. They don't like realtors and need to sell immediately but afraid of contracts, contracotrs, salespeople and commissions. They also don't want to pay for repairs."

Opportunities come from connecting and being intimate with the people we come into contact with.

All people, rich or poor want one thing... We all want to connect. If you can connect with a person, and move them through the levels of intimacy without creating conflict or blockage in the sequence, you will find what motivates them, what scares them, what their concerns are and finally what they NEED to feel secure to work with  you.

Mathew Kelly has recognized a brilliant pattern in social behaviour and has cracked the mechanical code for human connection. If you can memorize or learn a few key questions to "move through the levels", then you will never be stuck in a conversation with nothing to say ever again. You will never be stagnant and will be a master of connection.

The following questions are ones that I have learned years ago and memorized from  http://www.villagecounseling.net. Knowing a few of these key transition questions will transform you into an instant "people person". I have seen results for years using this method and have been connecting deeper and faster with people than ever before. Please enjoy the following resource:

Questions to Help You Navigate the 7 Levels of Intimacy:

1. Cliché
   • How are you?
   • What have you been up to lately?
2. Facts
   • Non-personal
     • What was the score of the game?
     • What is the weather forecast?
   • Personal
     • What did you do today?
     • What have you learned recently?
     • What have you been reading lately?
     • What is your favorite color, food, song etc.?
3. Opinions
   • What are your preferences concerning…?
   • What are your beliefs about…?
   • What do you think about…?
4. Hopes and Dreams
   • If you could live any way you liked, how would you like to live?
   • If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you like to live?
   • What goals do you have for your life?
   • What area of study would you like to become an expert in?
   • If you could be famous for something, what would you like to be famous for?
   • What would you like written on your tombstone? In your obituary?
   • Who would you like to help? How would you help them if you could?
   • What one thing would make you truly happy?
   • Who are the people you’d like to learn from in life?
   • What personal qualities do you hope to develop in the future?
   • What skills do you hope to develop in your lifetime?
   • What do you dream about being the best in the world at doing?
   • What are 5 things you dream about having?
   • What are 5 things you dream about doing?
   • What are 5 things you dream about being?
   • Who are 5 people or groups you dream about helping?
   • What would you do if you knew you could not fail at it?
5. Feelings
   • When in our life have you felt special to others?
   • Who in your life made you feel safe, loved, accepted? How did they do that?
   • Who in your life made you feel the most rejected, devalued, abandoned, invisible?
   • What are you most passionate about?
   • What do you feel about:
     • Your relationship to God?
     • Your most significant friendship?
     • Your relationship to your parents?
     • Your relationship to co-workers?
     • Your reputation in the community?
   • How secure do you feel in your life right now? (Why, or Why not?)
   • How significant do you feel in your ability to contribute to others, to your community, to the world? (In what way? Why, or Why not?)
   • Do you feel like you are becoming the person you want to be?
   • Do you feel like you belong?
   • Do you feel competent in your ability to build something of value?
   • What are the biggest hurts have you experienced in the past?
   
   
6. Fears, Failures, Weaknesses
• What makes you feel like you don’t measure up?
• What makes you feel like you are unlovable?
• What do you think would make others reject you?
• What are some lies you’ve been told in the past?
• What do you feel you must hide from others out of fear that they would reject you?
• What makes you feel ignored?
• What makes you feel rejected?
• What makes you feel humiliated?
• What makes you feel incompetent?
• What makes you feel like a failure?
• What makes you feel inadequate?
• What is your biggest fear in life?
7. Needs
• Spirit – what do you need to thrive spiritually?
• Soul – what do you need to thrive in your relationships?
• Mind – what do you need to learn and grow in to thrive mentally?
• Strength – what do you need thrive physically?
• When have you experienced great joy?
• Describe what you think constitutes true happiness?
• How do you help others experience joy?
• What do you need in order to be secure?
• What do you need in order to be safe?
• What do you need in order to be significant?
• What do you need in order to be competent?
• What do you need in order to be powerful?
• What do you need in order to belong?
• What do you need to be clear about?
• What do you need in order to build something of lasting value?
• What do you need to know God better?
• What do you need to feel special to others?
• What do you need in order to feel like you are understood?
• What do you need in order to do something great?
• What do you need in order to achieve something that will last?
• What recognition do you need?

If you can memorize a few of these key transition questions to "accelerate" and master conversational intimacy then you will connect every time! You will become a master of creating personal connection with the people you network with, meet, sell and negotiate with. I can guarantee that you will see HUGE results in the depth of personal connection and opportunity in every relationship. If you can master the system above.

I challenge you take some time to study this list and implement it in your day to day interactions, you will not be disappointed.

Thanks for reading,
Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca

P.S. Please share this article if you found it helpful!

P.P.S. "The 7 levels of intimacy" is available in the Resource section of Freedomway.ca should you wish to purchase a copy (highly recommended).

By Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca

Two weeks ago I had the pleasure of having dinner with Shawn Shewchuk, Author of "Change Your Mind, Change Your Results" and the #1 results coach in the country (when measured by results and speed of results.)

I was introduced to Shawn because he is currently coaching one of my real estate mentors on his personal growth and business.

Shawn mostly works with high achievers, entrepreneurs and executives to take their "game" to the next level.

Coaching can be a very nebulous thing to many people, it can be viewed as extremely expensive (Often $5000 to $25,000+) and (to the average person) can be viewed as a "rip-off" or a "liability". What I find to be fascinating about coaching is that the world's most successful people have multiple coaches and the more successful a person is, generally, the more coaches they have. 

What I have learned in my short time from working with a paid coach and mentor is that an unsuccessful person will view a coach as a liability, while a successful person will view a coach as an asset.

Of course, not all coaches are created equal; there are good coaches and awful coaches. You must discriminate with extreme prejudice. The best way to choose a coach is to find successful people and gather referrals, ask who is coaching them in their success.

Many coaches focus on one topic such as; business, investment, health, life, and success. What I found intriguing about Shawn was that he has built his coaching practice, business and life around a holistic approach to success. He believes that success must be achieved in all areas of life - not just one. 

Shawn believes that "Success is not available without balance".

As an entrepreneur, shawn has built businesses, sold businesses and has made very good money in his life, but understands that personal, relationship, health and career all have to work together because "money is important, but (it's) not everything."

As a young, driven, aggressive, male entrepreneur, I asked Shawn about balance. I often find myself too focused on business, goals and success. I will sacrifice anything for success (whatever that means) and I challenged Shawn's idea of balance or holistic coaching by asking him about the Dragon's on CBC's hit venture capital show Dragon's Den.

I have studied many of the successful Canadian entrepreneurs on Dragon's Den and have noticed that three of them have stated on television that "balance does not exist" in their lives. The Dragons are all very driven and successful business people who have sacrificed immensely for their success. When I asked Shawn about his opinion on balance when compared to the Dragon's on balance he replied "There is no such thing as balance; balance is what you make it".

A profound answer indeed. I have always thought of balance as being an subjective pursuit. Never did I imagine that balance could be different for everyone. This really challenged my thinking.

While we were exploring balance, Shawn pointed out that one of the Dragon's had lost his family in pursuit of financial success. Family, no matter how difficult they can be are a priceless once-in-a-lifetime experience. Family members are irreplaceable and trading primary and secondary relationships for a few extra dollars is unacceptable in hindsight.

The #1 concept I am learning from my current coach and from talking to Shawn has been that Coaches get you results and collapse time frames.

What may take a person 5 years to achieve alone, may take 6 months with the help of a qualified coach. I have seen results similar to this in my own business just from a single coaching call and a few emails, my growth has gone from linear to exponential and geometric. I used to do one deal a month and now I'm getting bombarded with opportunities and have achieved 3 deals in a week.

Most people are procrastinators, but what is the opposite of procrastination?

Sometimes it can make sense to define a word by it's opposite.

Shawn defines Strategic accountability as the opposite of procrastination. Where the average person will sit on the couch and eat potato chips, Shawn builds strategies with his clients and holds them accountable to their goals and plans.

Procrastination is an absolute killer for most people because it kills ideas, kills actions and ultimately kills dreams. "Most people don't think, they float through life" All ships that float without a navigator end up smashing up on the rocks eventually.

Shawn has worked with over 6000 people in his career and only 3 have not been successful in their pursuits after working with him. What was their key to failure? People who fail with coaches think that they are going to get a magic bullet to solve their problems over night. I used to experience this years ago when I used to teach guitar lessons to young people. Too many of these young people wanted to be sprinkled with a magic pixie dust instead of taking the REAL steps towards success.

After speaking with Shawn for 30 minutes about coaching and the benefits of hiring one, I asked Shawn the $1,000,000 question:

"How many coaches do you have?"

This is the million dollar questions because whenever someone is in a business or industry, I always want to know how much of their own product they consume. It shows integrity and congruence.

Shawn's reply was very good: "I have three." Although Shawn is located in Calgary, his coaches are scattered across North America on the east coast USA, Toronto and Western USA. I was impressed to learn that Shawn's first coach was Bob Proctor; the man behind the hit movie/book The Secret.

I personally have two coaches at the moment and the strategic planning and goal setting alone has made my business explode in the last 30 days. If you want to speed up your rate of success, begin to search for a coach, and don't hesitate to spend some money. Nothing is free in this life and you get what you pay for. Free advice, although attractive at the beginning, is ALWAYS the most expensive of all in the long term.

Thanks for reading,
Stefan Aarnio
Freedomway.ca

P.S. Please share if you found this article helpful